Sunday, July 02, 2017

Funny Shit My Aunt Sends Me: Definitions

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
  
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

  
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
  
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

  
MOSQUITO 
An insect that makes you like flies better.
 
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.
  
RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.
  
SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.
  
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW 
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
  
WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines. 
OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
. . and that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

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