Umbrellacide: An Introduction

Umbrellas are one of humanity's unheralded inanimate objects. They shelter us from the elements, but they are disposable. They are left on trains, in shopping carts, or, if they weaken and buckle under the wrath of the elements, they are cast aside with only a grimace and a curse.

I have long considered posting the evidence of the scattered umbrella corpses after a storm. Now it is time.

First, a disclaimer. I am, in no way, claiming this is an original idea. A year or two ago, the New York Times featured a photo-collage of umbrella skeletons littering the city streets after a Nor'easter. I am experimenting. Feel free to comment on whether you find this enjoyable, interesting, or neither.

What possessed me to begin this venture at this time was getting caught yesterday, lacking umbrellas, on 86th Street in Brooklyn. I saw this woman struggling with an umbrella, in which, the lights were about to go out forever.


And this was not a dinky umbrella, but a rather sturdy one.



We moved on, and entered a store across the street. Fifteen minutes later, we exited and saw the previously wounded umbrella, abandoned on the sidewalk:


So, that was that, I was on a mission. A little while later, a snapped this shot, the umbrella lying lifeless next to a rubbish can, like a corpse resting next to a dumpster in an alley somewhere:

And later in the day, this sad soul was crushed lifeless in the middle of Third Avenue:


A different view:


And later, the morguelike close-up:


And thus concludes this first installment of Umbrellacide.

Celebrating a Number, yadda yadda yadda

This has been a fun week for me, and my traffic. Boosted by my friends at the New York Times, we hit 44,444 hits today.

I always like to see when and where people chance upon BillyBlog. #44444 came from Clermont, Florida at 12:41 AM today. The individual googled "poetry turning 40" and they danced on over to one of my forty fortieth birthday posts featuring the poem "Turning Forty" by Pearl Cleage. A lot of fours in them thar hills.

More exciting for me this week was Tattoosday striking 10,000 hits on Thursday at 9:17 am EST. Now remember, the first Tattoosday post reads July 31, 2007, but the posts started here before spinning off in September. So, really, in under 6 months, Tattoosday accomplished what it took BillyBlog to do in 14. And it wasn't until December when we broke 1000 over there.

Anyway, visit 10,000 came via the server at Sandia National Laboratories in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A google search for skull tattoos brought them to my "Rad Tattoo for Nebraska" post which, to date, is one of my favorites over there..

A Crock of Crocs Crocs Rocks

On February 26, 2008, I sent the following missive to Crocs Customer Service, through their website. It has been eleven days and I haven't heard back from them. Not even a standard form e-mail advising me that they got my message and are reviewing it carefully. Silence.

So I decided to post this here, in case any Crocs executives happen to read BillyBlog:

I was just writing to express disappointment in the quality of one of your products, a children's backpack.

In August 2007, my daughter, aged 11 and entering intermediate school, was looking for a backpack. We shopped for many in numerous stores, but she kept going back to a Crocs backpack at Modell's Sporting Goods. It was considerably more expensive than some of our other options (i.e. Jansport), but she begged and pleaded like only an 11-year old girl can, and we gave in. We justified the extra expense (it was 20 dollars more than the one I wanted to buy) because we figured, based on the Crocs name, that it would be a durable product that would get her through the school year, and be a useful tool above and beyond the 6th grade.

We were wrong.

We were gravely disappointed at the end of 2007 when my daughter showed me where the backpack had ripped, at the top of the main pocket, as a result of stress on the backpack. Kids books can be heavy nowadays, but I would have assumed that this would have been taken into consideration when the product was manufactured.

We bought her a new backpack which, despite being a little less exciting and "trendy", seems to be doing just as well.

I just wanted to write to let you know that my initial experience with Crocs products, despite the fact that they are generally adored by the masses, was less than stellar.

You may want to have your design team spend some more time on your backpacks in the future, so as to avoid the disappointment of other parents and children.

Sincerely,

Bill Cohen


UPDATE 3/12/2008 I received, much to my pleasure and surprise, a very positive response from Crocs regarding this post. No, really, I did. To see it, head here. Needless to say, my opinion of the company has significantly improved based on the response.

"Little God Origami," Redux

Last weekend I received a nice note from poet Stefi Weisburd thanking me for posting her poem "Little God Origami" here.

Ms. Weisburd writes: "That poem is in my soon-to-be released first book The Wind-Up Gods from Black Lawrence Press."

There's more poems from Ms. Weisburd here.

Happiness is a New Salsa from Trader Joe's

I am very excited. Read here about how excited I was when the Trader Joe's in Manhattan first opened almost two years ago.

Emily Dickinson Rides the N Train (Poetry in Motion Strikes Again)

Back on February 23, I spotted two new Poetry in Motion posters (here and here) on two separate buses. I've been keeping an eye out, because they generally get released in threes. The third one finally revealed itself to me on the N train between Union Square and 34th Street at 1 p.m. today.

It's a classic from Emily Dickinson:

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant--
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind --

--Emily Dickinson

BillyBlog Random Tuesday Assortment

Just skimmed the recent New Yorker anniversary issue. Of note was a piece of personal history by David Owen about nicknames (a little bit more of the piece here) and a good story ("Free Radicals") by Alice Munro (who rarely writes "bad stories").

I was thrilled to see a doubling of my traffic on Tuesday when BillyBlog appeared as a link on the New York Times website in a daily section on notable items in the blogs. My photo of the Smart Car got some attention. Thanks to the good folks over in the City Room for noticing me.

A gaggle of tourists just boarded the N train to Brooklyn and were cacophonous when they realized they weren't Times Square-bound. Lovely day to forget my BilliPod at work.

Check out this artwork:



Want to see more, go here. The artist, Philip Dusel, was spotted by me in the Chelsea Salvation Army store last Tuesday. He had tattoos and, well, you know, the rest is history. Read about one of his tattoos, which he designed himself, here.

Finally, one of the perks of working near Penn Station/Madison Square Garden is all the free stuff they give away to commuters as promotional items. Tuesday was an exciting day, to say the least, as they gave away these:



Mmmm. Nothing like the taste of bacon and cheese on a cricket! I am saving mine for after I've had a few beers.

Carl Zimmer's Science Tattoo Emporium

A visitor recently chimed in over on Tattoosday about a similar blog focusing on tattoos, but with a more specialized slant. It is called Carl Zimmer's Science Tattoo Emporium, and it's pretty cool. Check it out when you get a chance. If you forget, I added it to the sidebar for future reference.

First Smart Car Spotted in Manhattan

I had my first encounter with a Smart Car Fortwo on Tuesday on the corner of 22nd and 8th Avenue.

What a sight to behold! And fitting into an almost non-existent parking spot.

I noticed later that there was a bike in the picture to help add perspective to its diminutive size.

GISDP #3

Here's another glorious gratuitous indoor soccer dad post (GISDP) from Sunday, February 24, 2008.

The second quarter is about to begin. Gold is up 3-0. That's Shayna on the far part of the screen. I lose her for a few seconds, but I catch the final part of the shot: a crossing goal that zips through the defense, and sinks in the back corner of the net. It goes quickly.



Shayna's goal put the team up 4-0, but the lead was not to last. One of Shayna's classmates, Raphael, plays on the Green team. He is phenomenal. He scored 7 of the Green team's 7 goals. The game ended in a 7-7 tie.

Shameless Plug for Collaboration Art

One of the people I have come across in the blogosphere (and thus a "victim" of my occasional meme-ing) is Mat Giordano of Houston, Texas.

I tagged him with a recent meme and he asked for me to shamelessly plug an art project he is working on in the blogosphere. Normally, I would never entertain such nonsense....ah, who am I kidding? I love doing that! What's better, the assemblage of art is actually quite interesting. For example:

If you're interested in the above image and other cool, funky, thought-provoking images, check out This Blog Right Here.

Mat adds:

The final assembly is being auctioned this Friday at a silent art auction to donate to the AIDS Foundation of Houston: http://artshouston.ning.com/group/STARBUCKS

I will be in Los Angeles, so I'm dropping off the piece tomorrow, but will send you my blog mailer when I'm done sometime tonight matting everything.

And then at 3:25 PM EST on February 27, Mat notified me:

After a ton of hard work over a short period of time, the response to the art collaboration project was immense. The final piece will be going up for silent auction this Friday, February 29 to benefit the AIDS Foundation of Houston.

To see everyone's hard work put in perspective, visit This Blog Right Here and show some love for those who gave their time to help make a tired, late night idea a true reality, and in turn helping those in serious need:

http://matgiordano.com/blog/?p=88

Enjoy :)

-m

Grate Scott!

This was the view out our window Saturday morning.


At first we were baffled.

But we came to learn that under that snow, within the rectangle of yellow safety tape, is a metal grate.

As of Tuesday morning, the car and the cones are still there.

Curious?

Read on:

Con Ed pays 'em to sit on grates

Livery drivers making a bundle to guard dangerous city hot spots

By JIMMY VIELKIND
DAILY NEWS WRITER

Posted Thursday, May 3rd 2007, 4:00 AM

Cabbie Zafrul Islam holds letter explaining why he's guarding manhole in Brooklyn.

---

Con Edison has come up with a bizarre way to protect the public from stray-voltage hot spots throughout the city - it's hiring livery cab drivers to guard them until crews can fix the problem.

The dark cars and their drivers sit next to a roped-off area around the clock for days, with a placard explaining their mission.

"A stray voltage hazard was discovered here," the card says. "The coned/taped off area contains an extremely dangerous electrified object or structure.

"I am unable to move my vehicle because I am guarding this coned/taped off area from pedestrians."

The utility said the program started about six months ago and about 1,000 drivers from various livery companies are involved.

Previously, when Con Ed was alerted to a stray-voltage area - which can deliver a deadly shock to people and pets - it had one of its own cars protect the site.

But high-tech vans that roam the city looking for electrified pavement are finding so many danger zones that Con Ed had to enlist outside help, said spokesman Chris Olert.

He referred to the livery hacks as "site-safety" personnel who have been specially "trained."

But the training consists of being told to keep people away from the cordoned-off area.

"I just watch and make sure no one goes near it," said Zafrul Islam, 42, a driver for Executive Transportation in Borough Park, who has sat sentry over stray current in Brooklyn, Manhattan and Queens.

Yesterday, his dark-blue Lincoln Town Car was stationed near a 5-foot power grate on 11th St. near Third Ave. in Gowanus, Brooklyn, where a 16-volt leak had been discovered.

Annoyed neighborhood residents said cabs had been stationed there since Thursday evening.

"It's a gimmick," railed Cosimo Catanzano, 80, whose home is directly across from the faulty grate.

The curbside was blocked off with four construction cones and yellow safety tape. Islam's car had another cone on its roof - and its constant presence had alarmed locals.

"I called 911," said Rosemary Snyder, 58. "Don't you think ConEd should have let us know instead of letting a stranger sit outside like that?"

Maryann Slattery, 32, called the situation "ridiculous."

"Con Ed wants to raise our rates but they have the money to pay for a private car service? We have a lot of children and a lot of dogs. Why can't they send someone to actually fix it?"

Con Ed, which is spending $4million on the entire stray-voltage program, could not say how much it costs to have cabs baby-sit.

But if the power company were paying market rates of $30 an hour and up, the bill would be at least $720 per day per site.

The utility also said it did not know how many cab companies were hired by its subcontractor, Sarnoff Co., how many spots they've guarded since the program started, or how long it takes to fix each spot.

Sarnoff makes the vans ConEd uses to detect stray voltage. Last year, those vans found 1,969 hot spots, while manual detection turned up another 914.

Just four months into this year, the vans have already identified about 1,500 stray-voltage sites, Olert said.

Roger Lane, whose daughter, Jodie, was electrocuted in the East Village in 2004, was surprised to hear about Con Ed's new fleet of lookouts - but glad they were at least doing something to keep people away.

"Cones and cabs, policemen and firemen - whoever they put there that will protect the pedestrian from inadvertently walking on top of it is fine with me," he said.

With Tracy Connor

Astonishing.

UPDATE 2/27/08 At around midnight, there still seemed to be no progress. Livery cab company still raking in the bucks for watching this rectangle of pavement! God Bless America!

But then, a large pick-up truck appeared, and the driver talked for a while with the cab driver, talked on his cell phone, stood inside the forbidden golden rectangle (gasp!). When I went to bed, finally, the truck was still idling out front. At 5 AM, when I woke up, everything had vanished. Cones, car, stray voltage (apparently). It was as if it was all a long, bizarre 3-day dream......

Like Malasadas?

I love malasadas. Easy to do since I rarely have them. Tough for a former Hawaii resident living in New York, no doubt. But I have a got malasadas? bumper sticker from Leonard's Bakery in my office.


And, last Fall, my mom brought us a bag of malasada mix from Tex Drive In in Honoka'a:
Of course, we have it in a place of honor, hanging in our kitchen.

Why am I inducing malasada salivation? I posted about these delicious treats a long ways back here. And I just recently discovered my post was linked by a French culinary blog here. I ended my post back then, saying that malasadas "are paradise packed into light, fluffy, sugar-dusted dreams."

The blog Le Petrin, translates this as "le paradis enveloppé dans des rêves aériens, cotonneux saupoudrés de sucre". Sounds even better in French, no? It's nice to be referred to by a prestigious European blogger.

So, to assuage my malasada separation anxiety, let me share this gem from my video vault, circa August 2005:

That's from Tex Drive in, and here's a still shot:

It still astonishes me that, despite living in New York City, there do not appear to be any malasada-makers in the greater Tri-State area. If anyone hears otherwise, please let me know.

New York City Icicle

I am calling this a New York City icicle, although it could occur in other cities, I guess.

Any city-dweller surely will bemoan the phenomenon of plastic bags, usually from grocery stores, getting stuck in trees.

They are an eyesore, to say the least. The writer Ian Frazier wrote a piece (abstract here) about it in The New Yorker about four years ago.

Anyway, take a bag in a tree, add snow, then heat slightly causing said snow to melt. Preferably there is a small hole in the bag, causing dripping snow to freeze as an icicle. Behold: the New York City icicle. Any icicle on an awning or dangling from a gutter could be from anywhere. There is something ugly and special about this one.

A lovely glistening shard of ice clinging to a plastic bag, twisting in the wind, trying to break free of the tree that refuses to let go. Nature and litter's bastard child.

It made me smile.

Second New Poetry in Motion of the Day, Grace Paley

Sure enough, on a different bus, the B64, I spotted a second new poster of the day. This one from the New York City poet Grace Paley, who died just last year.

It's a short one, but nonetheless, powerful.

"Quarrel"

We quarreled
Alone I
turned away

from her dear
face   then I
feared death

Grace Paley

(1922 - 2007)

B64, February 23, 2008, 1:45 PM, EST, 86th Street, Brooklyn.

New Poetry in Motion Poster Spotted! Dylan Thomas

I always remotely blog whenever I see a new Poetry in Motion poster. And when I see a new one, that usually means one or two are others are not far behind. Behold:

from "In My Craft or Sullen Art"

Not for the proud man apart
From the raging moon I write
On these spindrift pages
Nor for the towering dead
With their nightingales and psalms
But for the lovers, their arms
Round the grief of the ages,
Who pay no praise or wages
Nor heed my craft or art.

--Dylan Thomas
(1914-1953)

Click on the title to read the full poem.

First spotted February 23, 2008, 12:30 EST, B63 bus, 5th Avenue, Brooklyn...

Liveblogging Two Twenty-Two, Heading Home

The snow has stopped and we are on a downtown B train headed home. The Museum of Natural History rarely fails to disappoint.

IMAX film on dinosaurs was fascinating, and finding a $10 bill sticking out of an empty seat after the lights went up and the majority of the audience had left was icing on the cake (google "Luck of the Cohanim" and see what you find).

The Water exhibit was interesting and we enjoyed the Planetarium, as well as the halls of mammals, marine life, and dinosaurs.

Have a good weekend.....

Liveblogging Two Twenty-Two, Continued

(Later)

Butterfly exhibit at the museum. Always a treat, moreso when you enter the hunid chamber filled with floating colorful creatures and it is cold and snowing outside.

Here are butterflies.....photos taken by Bill, Jolee, and Shayna Cohen

Liveblogging Two Twenty-Two

It is snowing in New York City. I already had a scheduled day off, so I am not inconvenienced by the snow, merely in awe of it. This is our first real significant snowfall this season (and February almost over). It has snowed, but in minimal quantities. What was predicted last night as 2 to 4 inches in the city has swelled to a 6 to 9-inch estimate.

I am writing now from the R train. Jolee, Shayna and I are going to Manhattan. The American Museum of Natural History is our destination. They were supposed to go on Monday, but the plans didn't materialize as expected. I am wondering, with the snowfall, if the museum will be crowded or suffer the ill effects of inclement weather on attendance.

The Today show sadistically broadcasted this morning from Miami Beach.

At 36th Street I saw a yellow train marked "DE-ICER CAR". Makes sense, but I have never seen one of those before. We switched over to an N train.

We recently sent out our annual family newsletter. 2 months late, or ten months early, depending on your perspective. I welcome all those new visitors who may have seen the BillyBlog plug in our family newsletter.

It's not always like this, but then again, sometimes it is.

I may post more today from the Museum, if I can.

Signing off for now.

Open Book Meme

Ok, I've been working on this for over a week (although it's probably hard to tell), but here it is, finally.



Eric Valentine over at Scattered Chatter tagged my father, The Ancient One, Blessed Be He, with a meme called "Open Book".


These were the instructions:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it at page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence/ phrase.
4. Blog the next four sentences/ phrases together with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig your shelves for that very special or intellectual book.
6. Pass it forward to six friends

Now, I can't be trusted. So I assigned my daughter Shayna to go to a book case and pick a book for me. This is what she brought me:

That's The Curious Shopper's Guide to New York City: Inside Manhattan's Shopping Districts (Paperback) by Pamela Keech

Great. Not my book. Oh well, and so it goes.

Page 123, go to the fifth sentence;

wait! Page 123 is just a photo, so I am going to page 124...crud, only 4 sentences. Let's go to page 125....again only four sentences. The problem is, this book is small 4 x 4 x 1.1 inches.

Let's get another book, this time, Jolee's getting it. Cool. It's Steve Martin's The Pleasure of My Company: A Novel.

Ok, going to the fifth sentence on page 123, and blogging the next four sentences:

...I had not seen either of them at all during Easter week.

"Are you up?" she asked.

"I'm up," I said, and Teddy, holding out his arms, climbed over onto me.
Clarissa came in, glancing toward the street...

A little disappointing. Oh well.

Now I must choose 6 others to tag. Unfortunately for me, my Pops tagged me, so that eliminates one of my definitive six. Of course, as he has since told me since meme-ing me, doing this has helped increase his "authority" on Technorati, helping his blog rank leap frog over mine. Kudos to the Ancient One, but I must do something about this.

The tagged:

Frogma

Time in a Blog


Vic Monchego's Episodes



This Blog Right Here



Big Window



Acrentropy

Good luck and thanks in advance for partipating.